BFF – You have an extra responsibility if you are a male; know why

BFF_Male and Female_SiddTalks
Photo Courtesy: The Hope Line

The concept of BFF (Best Friend Forever) is not new to anyone. One can easily conclude that this concept has come from the west and it is developing well here in India as well. But the Indian society and also those who are involved in a strong friendship, especially if the BFF pair is of a male and a female are still not clear about this concept according to my personal view.

There is a huge misunderstanding between having a BFF and a boyfriend and a girlfriend among Indians. Let us first be clear that BFF may not have any emotion regarding love towards his or her best friend. But since humans have emotions and such emotion can be present in either of the friends, but then it should remain within the mind and the soul of that particular person if he or she wishes to strengthen the friendship.

Friendship itself is a relationship where one should not expect anything from the friend or a buddy and when it comes to BFF, he or she should be ready to give, give and give only. BFF may not get anything from his or her friend but is always ready to serve the friend in any which way possible and has no regret for that either.

Let us come back to the Indian mindset regarding a boy and a girl (or male and female) being friends, leave alone being BFF. The famous and super-duper hit Bollywood movie “Maine Pyar Kiya” has that famous dialogue where the actor Mohnish Behl aka Jeevan categorically says that a male and a female can’t be friends and it is all about lust and nothing more than that can remain between them. This movie was released in the year 1989 but sadly according to me, the Indian mindset has not moved an inch from the same which was shown in the movie even 33 years have been passed since.

When a boy and a girl meet in a restaurant or at a function and chat for a long time, laughing, giving hi-fives are in general not seen as friendship in India. When a boy and a girl do all these things there got to be ‘something cooking’ between them is the foremost and the most accepted conclusion in Indian society. This something cooking is the other name of having a love affair or having an illicit relationship. This is the thinking of Indian society about when an unmarried boy and an unmarried girl act like this.

Imagine the reaction of society when a married male meets his married female and acts like what is mentioned in the last paragraph? This can lead to the rumors of them having an extramarital affair and such rumors can spread like a wildfire within no time at all. At the end of the day, those two despite being friends or BFF of each other for years have to cut short their relationship or start to prefer to meet within the family or common relatives’ functions, etc. only.

This is all about the Indian mindset regarding male and female being friends or BFF. But now we will discuss what males must do and realize if he has a female BFF despite going through the entire trauma mentioned above. The responsibility of males towards their female BFF is always greater but if both are married to other persons then this responsibility increases in many folds.

There are chances that males who are BFF of females have lost their chance to propose their love to them or their proposals have been rejected by them and then they became BFF. Mind you in this situation becoming a female’s BFF can’t be seen as an option, it should be seen as a duty, responsibility, and good luck. Just because I love her and my proposal has been rejected or I couldn’t put forward it because of being scared as she always looks at me as her friend, let me become her BFF as it gives me a chance to be with her most of the time. No, this can’t work in a friendship that has a desire to reach the level of becoming someone’s Best Friend Forever.

No one can deny your feeling which is still running towards that particular female; it will remain forever in your mind, heart, and soul if you have loved her in past. But when you promise her to remain her BFF, this feeling of yours should either take a backstage or it should be shut inside a deep dark room of your heart. So that you can remain true towards your friendship and your female friend can keep the trust going which she has put on you despite knowing that you have ‘a certain feeling’ towards her.

The first thing a married male must understand and remember forever is that even if your married female friend tells you not to worry when to call, message, or even asking for a meeting is not a problem; you should always remain judicious while executing it. The best thing you could do is not to call, message, or meet her as much as possible.

There are two things about this. One is that she is married and her husband may be a liberal person and knows about your friendship very well but at the end of the day he is a male and husband and his mind can start to think differently at any point of any time and if that happens your problems will only going to increase.

The second thing by not troubling her despite her open permission will only increase your respect in her mind. She will understand that you are an extremely responsible person because despite her permission you respect your limits and thus she will start believing in you more and hence the trust level between you and her will only increase. Trust me this will benefit your relationship greatly in the future, so do not forget to thank me later.

When a female BFF puts complete trust in you, eventually she starts to share some secrets with you. These secrete may be about her family, friends, etc. It is not that she has not shared the same secrets with her other female friends as well, but she feels that you should also be part of this too. This is the second stage of putting trust on you and on the relationship of best friendship she shares with you.

When someone shares a secret that means that he or she knows that it will remain within you and no matter how excited you feel about that secrete it is your duty to prove her trust correct and hence it should remain with you only, always. Because there are chances that such secretes are of some common friends or relatives you both know well, so if you can’t handle your excitement and start gossiping about that secrete, mark my words you will get caught soon and that will be the last day when your BFF will trust you 100%!

We all hope and pray that everyone we know remains happy forever including our BFF, but there are chances that things don’t remain the same forever. Like it can happen in your family, the problems can happen in your female friend’s family as well. Sometimes her situation will be such that she can only trust you and shares the ultimate secrets of her life. She may not be getting any help from her other family members and she can’t trust her female friends as well and thus she wants to tell you all.

When such a situation arises believe me a female is at the lowest point of her emotions especially if the problem she is facing is from her in-laws or from her husband. She may not ask for help but all she wants is that you listen to her problems so that with your few soothing words she can feel light and gets a tonic to start fighting again. Those soothing words may be mere, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine, I am there with you always” only, but that can spur her immensely and you will find that she is a totally different person when you are ending your discussion than what she was at the start of it.

If she asks for any help to solve her problem or just for help or for anything else, help her with your fullest capacity. Tell your family especially your wife that you are helping your female BFF ‘only’ if you feel it is necessary because the misconception regarding male-female being BFF can be prevailing there as well. But most of the time the help your female bestie seeks may not require you to make those tough decisions. Because being your BFF for years even she knows your limitations so whatever she will ask you know that you can do at least this for her without getting into any trouble.

Now comes the center point of this entire article. If your married female BFF is having a serious family problem and not getting any help from her in-laws or even from her husband there are chances that she will be highly down emotionally. This is the situation when a female looks for some emotional support as well and no better person than you she trusts to get that emotional support as you are her best friend forever. This is where the word ‘forever’ now comes into the picture with a great effect.

The simple meaning of best friend forever is that one will remain the best friend and the best friend only in whatever condition he or she is in. So when your female bestie is emotionally low and asking for your emotional support you have to remain and behave as a friend only. A best friend is someone who seeks, thinks, asks, or demands nothing in return for this emotional support. When a female is emotionally low she may start to feel otherwise (not in all cases but in some cases) for the person (in this case her BFF) who is standing beside her in her current situation but your duty is not to take any undue advantage out of it no matter whatever the demand is.

Even if you have a history of having an emotional attachment with her even then you must not try and take ‘advantage’ of her current situation. You should remain what you always were with her when she was happy and in high spirits. Your history must not force you to change your current life. Remember, you are married too and if you alter the current situation just by flowing in emotions, the repercussions on your family life will be immense.  Plus the current mental and emotional situation of your married female friend may turn out to be temporary and after sometimes things get better at her end she would go back and live her normal life again.

At that particular point in time, you will be in a bigger soup. Now you will start fighting with the emotional issues and for that, your female friend won’t be able to help you as this situation is the by-product of what you did to her and she is not responsible for that. So to be precise remain true to yourself and your friendship always no matter what the situation and circumstances are.

Whatever written is said here although are examples of married male and female BFF most of these examples are connected with unmarried male-female best friends forever as well. The bottom line is to respect this pure relationship always no matter what is your marital status and no matter what situation you are in if you are a male. It has been said time and again that friendship is an even better relationship than love. So imagine what responsibility one carries when he or she calls each other their BFF.

Wishing you all the strength and love you need to carry and strengthen your current friendship.

31st May 2021, Monday




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